Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
