I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
