If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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