Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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