ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My boob is missing a layer of skin
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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