I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
