U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have demons in me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
