Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
