you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
