I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize