do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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