I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
