your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
