Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
nutella sex= disaster
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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