yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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