Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
