I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
