Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drake has all the answers
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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