Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
