You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
