You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
