The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm getting married
To pizza
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
