Sponge bath it is.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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