I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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