Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize