if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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