Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
