I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
