we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
