I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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