You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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