i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
