You just made me feel so damn special
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
