I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My liver just broke up with me...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
