Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish my penis had a tongue
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
