he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is Oprah even human
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I had to cum in my sink.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
