Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
