ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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