Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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