this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
