i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
