i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
