I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize