I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
