You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
