do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They took my balls.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
