If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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