When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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