he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my shit smells like andre
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize