At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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