And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did i walk over a car last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
