she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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