if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize