Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
