the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
