I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
