i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize