i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
