I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
