Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
