My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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