garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
