I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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