Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize