I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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