well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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