My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
