i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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