i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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