I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
