Umm I'm too high to move.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
