I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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