oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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