Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
