We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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