Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
